Novel Review – Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal by Christopher Moore

“Nobody’s perfect. Well, there was this one guy, but we killed him….”

“Nobody’s perfect. Well, there was this one guy, but we killed him….” 
― Christopher Moore, Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal

Stats

5 out of 5 Stars

  • Paperback, 444 pages

  • Published May 25th, 2004 by William Morrow / HarperCollins / Harper Perennial (first published March 1st, 2002)

  • Original Title Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal

  • ISBN0380813815 (ISBN13: 9780380813810)

  • Edition Language English

  • URL http://www.chrismoore.com/lamb.html

About

From the publisher, “The birth of Jesus has been well chronicled, as have his glorious teachings, acts, and divine sacrifice after his thirtieth birthday. But no one knows about the early life of the Son of God, the missing years—except Biff, the Messiah’s best bud, who has been resurrected to tell the story in the divinely hilarious yet heartfelt work “reminiscent of Vonnegut and Douglas Adams” (Philadelphia Inquirer). Verily, the story Biff has to tell is a miraculous one, filled with remarkable journeys, magic, healings, kung fu, corpse reanimations, demons, and hot babes. Even the considerable wiles and devotion of the Savior’s pal may not be enough to divert Joshua from his tragic destiny. But there’s no one who loves Josh more—except maybe “Maggie,” Mary of Magdala—and Biff isn’t about to let his extraordinary pal suffer and ascend without a fight.” 

My Thoughts

Christopher Moore enjoys poking ideas with sticks to see what leaks out. It is obvious in all of his marvelous works: Fool, The Island of The Sequined Love Nun, A Dirty Job, and more. What leaked out this time was the bawdy, heartfelt, and raucous retelling of the life and times of Jesus Christ told to us by his slightly careworn childhood best friend Biff. What better way to understand a mighty person and a mighty goal than to see them down, befuddled, pimple spotted, and hormone riddled?

Many authors over the years have taken a minor character and retold the story through their eyes. West Side Story is a retelling of Romeo and Juliet. Hamlet was retold through the confounded eyes of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. Seeing a famous plot or idea from a minor character allows an additional level of gravitas. Basically, if you want to find out the merit of someone, don’t ask them directly. You ask their barber or their waiter that they deal with on a daily basis. Then you will know if they are an asshole or not. So, Moore asked Biff about Jesus. 

In this story, Moore seeks to fill in the missing years of Jesus’s life via his best friend Biff. Biff, newly resurrected by the Angel Raziel, whom we meet again in “The Stupidest Angel”, is set to narrate what the Son of God was up to in his formative years. In all the world, your best friend always has the real goods on you.  What happens is twenty years various interactions, debauchery, and foibles with deities from all religions and walks of life. They learn from the three wise men who are a magician, a yogi, and Buddhist respectively. They learn from Confuscious and chinese concubines. They encounter the last yeti and rescue children from Kali. In there is a demon too. I think most importantly we get to know Maggie, also known as Mary Magdalene, who through modern Christianity is sullied and besmirched as nothing but a sinful woman.  Here she is given a much better and more fitting role that ends on a wonderfully bittersweet note. It is brilliant for Moore to acknowledge a world full of information and chances to learn. 

Biff is a perfect counterpoint to Joshua. Oftentimes Joshua is pedantic, naive, and prone to arrogance, while Biff remains steadfast, humorous, and realistic. I enjoyed reading their travels and adventures as Joshua learned to become the true savior and son of God. Despite the sometimes adolescent level of humor, fart and dick jokes, Moore still retained a respect for the subject matter. Moore is not trying to make fun of Christian beliefs, I think that he is attempting to humanize a godlike character that in his biblical grandness loses what each of us mere mortals can relate to. Jesus had foibles, and acne, and all of that. Celebrate it.  He rose above it all to become the deity that is worshiped today and that is pretty damn awesome. Moore writing a story like this is both an admirable and successful endeavor while being terrifying at the same time. 

“He invented Kung Fu when translated to English

means method by which short,

bald guys can kick the bejeezus out of you.”

― Christopher Moore, Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal

Holy hell this was fun to read. I laughed and laughed and laughed. I am a fan of taking something that is serious, turning it on its head and roughing it up a bit. If your beliefs can’t survive a good flogging, then this isn’t the story for you. Think Monty Python meets Mel Brooks meets Black Adder. The world is too serious right now. We need to be able to chuckle at our gods and know that we will come out on the other side no worse for wear. If I could recommend any living comedy/satire writers out there it would be Moore and specifically this book. It is a worthwhile read and if you need to not take yourself so seriously for a few hours, please read it.  

Highfalutinhobo@gmail.com

Tales from the tabler household.

Mmmmm raw bacon. Just needs a cardboard shovel and a nice chianti

“I was at the grocery store tonight. I’d had chicken fingers for dinner, but that didn’t quite do the trick: felt kinda snackish, figured some cold cuts would about hit the spot. Looked at my options, wasn’t feelin’ the salami or the prosciutto, so I grabbed something that looked kinda bacon-y.  
Driving home, opened up my treat. Looked rather oilier than I had anticipated. Didn’t want to try and eat it with my fingers, but didn’t have anything really handy. So I tore a corner off of my chicken fingers box and used it for a kind of makeshift spoon.
Got home, snack finished. Looked again at the packaging. “Diced Pancetta.” Despite sitting – literally – between the salami and the prosciutto, it is not pre-cooked.
Turns out, my proudest moment is *not* the night I ate an entire package of diced raw bacon with a goddamn cardboard shovel. Somehow, the fact that it wasn’t just bacon, but fancy imported Italian bacon, isn’t helping. On the other hand, the cardboard shovel’s previous life as a fast food wrapper *does* make it a little worse.
All of this is a long way of saying that I can now be reached at highfalutinhobo@gmail.com.”