10 Books I Want to Read This Year.. And Why

These books have been at the forefront of my brain shouting, “Read me. Read me.” ok ok, shut up already. Considering that some of them will be made into movies this year for good or bad. (Mostly bad. Don’t get me even started on movie adaptions of books. I am looking at you Eragon and you Ender’s Game. Funnily enough that with the source material carefully laid out, throngs of adoring fans, and fan fiction to boot a movie adaption would be a no brainer. You would be wrong.)

Watchman by Alan Moore – You would think with all the Alan Moore books I have plowed and plodded through I would be a big fan of his work. I am really not. He feels very uneven and overly complicated in his writing. Complicated for the sake of being complicated and artsy fartsy.  I realize and appreciate how important Moore’s work is for the graphic novel Genre though. He spearheaded adding literary characters to very flat comic books. I will be so bold to say that he is the reason we have such gorgeous works to read from Authors like Gaimen, Ennis, and Vaughan.  Maybe Watchman will make a believer out of me. Maybe it won’t. But I will not belittle the importance of it as a novel and I can appreciate that after finishing it. Even if I hate it and want to set it on fire in a dumpster.

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Image Courtesy of Goodreads.com

I should note though that I love V for Vendetta. Love is probably too weak a word. I thought about getting a V for Vendetta tattoo of this passage:

V. : But on this most auspicious of nights, permit me then, in lieu of the more commonplace soubriquet, to suggest the character of this dramatis persona. Voila! In view humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the “vox populi” now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a bygone vexation stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin, van guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition.
The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous.
Verily this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it’s my very good honour to meet you and you may call me V.
Evey: Are you like a crazy person?
V. : I’m quite sure they will say so.”

BAAAAADAASSSSS.



Habibi by Craig Thompson –  Craig Thompson is a resplendent writer. I broke out the ole’ thesaurus today to find the perfect word for his writing. His writing is resplendent. It is colorful and rich both rich in words and rich in images. If you have ever had middle eastern food, it is a symphony of different flavors. That is how his writing is. It is a damn symphony, but in language and image instead of salt and turmeric.  As you can tell I am a fan. I found “Blankets” to be absolutely wonderful. It may not be everyones cup of tea, but you can damn well appreciate the subtly and nuance that Craig employs in his writing. I cannot wait to read Habibi.

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Image courtesy of Goodreads.com


War of the Oaks by Emma Bull – I am a sucker for Urban fantasy. Give me Dresden Files and Mercy Thompson as my drug of choice any day. This looks really good. My only caveat is that there is only one book. One. NOOOOOO. You fall in love with the characters and then it is done. Way to abrupt. Unless it sucks, then one is plenty.

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Image courtesy of Goodreads.com


Kill the Dead by Richard Kadrey –   I read the first sandman slim book, aptly named “Sandman Slim.” Dude, holy anti-hero batman. Yaas. Bring on the “I don’t give a shit attitude.” I love that the language in Sandman Slim is punchy. Not overly wordy and detailed.  I want some concisely written words.

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Image courtesy of goodreads.com


Annihilation by Jeff Vandomeer – I have head so much about this series. Almost to the point where I am like, “Ok ok dude I get it.” Sometimes a whole lot of publicity is just hype for crappy writing. Cough cough “Twilight.” Sometimes it is well garnered. The premise of this book sounds interesting as hell.

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Image courtesy of goodreads.com

Area X has been cut off from the rest of the continent for decades. Nature has reclaimed the last vestiges of human civilization. The first expedition returned with reports of a pristine, Edenic landscape; all the members of the second expedition committed suicide; the third expedition died in a hail of gunfire as its members turned on one another; the members of the eleventh expedition returned as shadows of their former selves, and within months of their return, all had died of aggressive cancer.

This is the twelfth expedition.

Seriously, this sounds so cool. Kinda space operaish. Operaish? Is that even a word?

The Wise Man’s Fear by Patrick Rothfuss – I won’t go so far as to say that Rothfuss is a god in fantasy. But damn if I don’t have a crush on the hirsute writer.

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Teehee. Image courtesy of goodreads.com

His first book in the series, “The Name of the Wind” was epic fantasy at its finest. I mean that. It will go down as a classic with the likes of “Narnia,” “Eye of the World,” and Tolkien. That’s right. I said “The Name of the Wind” is in league with “Narnia” and Tolkien. Bring on the hate mail!

Oathbringer by Brandon Sanderson – Finally the third one is out. I am hyperventilating as I write this. Don’t start with this book. Go back and read the first of the series. Then go and read all of his other work, Mistborn, “Warbreaker,” and “Legion,”  in glorious anticipation of reading this book. Then you will know and understand my exquisite pain of waiting for this bastard to come out.

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Image courtesy of goodreads.com


The Algebraist by Iain Banks –  This comes highly recommended. It looks very interesting and it is a gaping hole in my science fiction repertoire (pops collar).



 

Doubleblind by Ann Aguire – I completely forgot about this series. I read the first two books years ago, but at the time there was only two. So.. frustration. Now there is six. Say what! Shut yo mouth.

(I start to do the running man of happiness)

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image courtesy of goodreads.com


 

Sleeping Beauties by Stephen King – Stephen King, ug how prosaic. How pedestrian.

Look here. Stephen King is freaking awesome. Not all of his books are winners, but he writes enough of them that odds are in his favor. Besides, I read his books trying to figure out a little bit about what goes on in his twisted brain. He wrote “The Long Walk,” which gave me nightmares and “It,” which is so scary that I literally could not finish it for fear of damaging my psyche. The man is a kick ass writer and “Sleeping Beauties” looks twisted as hell. Bring it the hell on.

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Poke around the Shanghai Tunnels they said..

I want to tell you a little story about an experience I had when I first moved to portland. I went on a haunted ghost tour of downtown portland found here.

I did this for a variety of reasons:

  1. It was cheap entertainment for the evening.
  2. Gave me an opportunity to walk around like a tourist.
  3. Also, gave me a chance to hang out with my very cool friend Jessica.
  4. I like dark stories when they involve architecture and secret compartments.
  5. Even better if they feature some sort of dastardly secret society hell bent on kidnapping you and using you for nefarious purposes.
  6. I can use these stories later to not-impress family and friends when they come to town to visit me.
  7. I do believe in ghosts.
  8. I do believe that alcohol can make the above mentioned points even better.

The evening started off mild and wet. I met up with my friend Jessica and ghost hunting partner at a local bar downtown called Oldtown Brewing. This bar is renown for its excellent beer, excellent pizza and haunted and terrifying past.

“Old Town Pizza sits in what used to be called the Old North End, a section of the city with a rather questionable reputation. Despite the upstanding clientele of the Merchant Hotel, even it was known for offering one of the oldest professions in the world: prostitution. As legend goes, one of the young “working women” was Nina, sold into this life by a thriving white slavery market. In an effort to clean up the neighborhood, traveling missionaries convinced Nina to share information in exchange for freeing her from a fate she did not choose. Nina cooperated but soon afterward was found dead in the hotel, now Old Town Pizza. Thrown down the elevator shaft, Nina is reported to have never left the building. Could it be Nina who carved her name in the brick of the old elevator shaft, now the backdrop of a cozy booth in the rear of the restaurant?” https://www.otbrewing.com/haunted-past

The beer was good though, plus they had karaoke. Bad karaoke can make you wish you were dead, so that was close enough for me. I did not meet Nina, there was no hovering over my pizza while karaoke played, but I did hear a neat story told by a great storyteller.

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Entrance to the tunnel proper
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Entrance to the bowels of hell. No really just stairs to the basement.
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The weird tunnel is in the back that just leads off.
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Where we had our story time. No seance this time. 
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Old AF stairs that lead down into the basement. 

 

After our food, beer, and story where concluded. We headed down single file to the back of the restaurant and filtered through a series of hallways and stairs that lead down into the dusty and dimly lit basement. The room looked old by the wood lathe used on the walls. It smelled dusty, moldy, but with the never mistaken smell of rising pizza dough.  You can tell that it had not been used as a busy space in years except by GHOSTS! haha no really, it was pretty well not used. In the corner of the basement was a dark and cordoned off hallway that lead.. well..it led away into darkness.  I am not trying to be all mystical or scary movie-ish. It literally led out into the darkness around the corner. It was a weird hallway. We were not allowed to follow the hallway into the great beyond. My inner goonie was screaming. Apparently it is dangerous to walk around pitch black tunnels in the middle of the night that may or may not be used for slave trade and/or drug running. They could get sued. All I heard was blah blah you are ruining my fun.

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The tour continued around downtown from there. It is a walking tour after all. The guide walked and pointed and the tour group nodded sagely and occasionally took pictures. I know we visited the Bensen Hotel, which is a marvel of wood and crystal and makes me feel both very fancy and underdressed at the same time. Apparently it is said to be haunted by the ghost of the previous owner, Mr. Bensen. No freaky apparitions of men from the 1930’s wearing expensive suits were seen. I did however have another drink.

A little bit of trivia, “The Jimi Hendrix Experience drummer Mitch Mitchell died in his hotel room at the Benson Hotel on November 12, 2008 (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benson_Hotel)”

I hive-fived his ghost while washing my hands in the ladies loo.

 

 

 

Portland Bucket List

I am never one to shy away from a bucket list or reading list of any sort or really.. anything numbered.

I feel like I haven’t been doing much of anything lately and that is rough on me psychologically. I suffer from “I need to get things done or my life is being wasted syndrome.” Followed closely by, “I’m tired and don’t want to get out of bed (depression)” and “I am to freaked out by the immensity of living that I am just going to curl up into the corner over here and rock back and forth (anxiety).”  Basically it’s fun to do things, it’s fun to not be sad and it’s fun to be like, “I did that, I level up myself.”  So I made a happy list that I will update regularly. Also, if anyone has any additions that I can add I would love that! I am all about trying stuff. If I end up trying it, ill write a post about it.

  1. Eat at a food cart
    1. Do a food cart hop
    2. Do a bar hop
  2. Get caught in a downpour on your way home.
  3. Float the river
  4. Try worlds hottest fritter.
  5. try worlds largest pancake
  6. Swim in the Willamette
    1. Swim across the willamette
  7. Hike to the top of Multnomah Falls
    1. Hike to the bridge at the falls
  8. Eat all the donuts..
    1. Old Dirty Bastard at Voodoo Donuts.
      1. Better yet, do this at 2 am because why the hell not.762f8517dfefd20c695debfd6d7ce571
    2. Blue Star Donuts. All I can say is “yaaaaaaas Queen” You so fancy.o
    3. 180 Donuts. Their Instagram looks fabulous.
    4. Delicious Donuts
    5. Pips Original Donuts
  9. Have a Spanish coffee at Huber’s
  10. Go skiing in the summer
  11. Watch the sunset from the Bluffs
  12. Get lost in the corn maze on Sauvie Island
    1. Pick berries at sauvie island
  13. Wake up hoarse from all the yelling and screaming at a concert.
  14. Understand, conceptually, how to make beer
  15. Complain about gentrification
  16. Eat two dozen wings at Whiskey Soda Lounge while waiting for a table at Pok Pok… and drink about half a dozen whiskey sours.
  17. Be “that guy” on a distillery tour
  18. See the Vaux’s Swifts fly into Chapman School
  19. Go to a strip club
  20. See the West Coast’s oldest drag queen
  21. Talk your way out of getting fined on the MAX
  22. Read an entire book on the floor of Powell’s
  23. Smell the roses At the International Rose Test Garden.
  24. Poke around the Shanghai Tunnels
  25. Have an after-hours shot of fernet
  26. Listen to Elliott Smith while it’s raining
  27. Visit the Oregon Museum of Science and Industry
  28. Have your “art” featured in a coffee shop
  29. Visit the largest park in city limits: Forest Park
  30. Buy pot. Legally.
  31. See a local comedy show
  32. Visit the ZooLights
  33. Visit Sunshine lights thing
  34. Visit the street of decorations
  35. Judge the people in line at Voodoo Doughnut
  36. Get a tattoo.
  37. Watch porn with a crowdSure, Hump! Film Festival.
  38. Watch the sunrise from Mount Tabor
  39. Watch the Naked Bike Ride
  40. Visit Pittock Mansion
  41. Visit the Japanese Garden
  42.  Chinese Garden
  43.  Rhododendron Garden
  44. Starks Vacuum Museum
  45. Go to a brewpub Movie Theater
  46. See the smallest park in the world
  47. Take a picture under the keep portland weird sign
  48. Visit the Witches castle in Forest Park
  49. See the Jetliner in the woods
  50. Visit the Towering Redwood Grove
  51. Visit Powells books
  52. Take a photo in the photo booth at Ace Hotel
  53. Get a picture of the Paul Bunyan Statue
  54. Visit the set of the Goonies House
  55. Get Pictures of Castle Rock
  56. Ride the aerial Tram
  57. Visit Detention Liquor
  58. Play Dark Mini-golf
  59. Visit the Belmont Goats
  60. Visit the Freakybutttrue Peculiarium
  61. Eat Dirty Fries at Lardos
  62. Tacos at Por Que no
  63. Pancakes at slappy cakes
  64. Eat Pigeon at Le Pigeon
  65. Eat ice cream at Salt and Straw
  66. High five the Unipiper
  67. Drink a flight of whiskey at Multnomah Whiskey Bar
    1. Highland Stillhouse

Excerpts of the above list were taken from a few different sources and collated into something that works for me. All credit given to the original authors:

  1. https://www.thrillist.com/lifestyle/portland/portland-bucket-list
  2. http://www.bestfoodfeed.com

Let’s Talk Graphic Novels

I know a whole lot about a few things, not that it has done me a whole lot of good being able to quote and/or extemporize on the glories of early american science fiction or why “Galapagos” by Kurt Vonnegut is so relevant today. I could teach a class on Science Fiction and Fantasy. This makes me either really annoying, and irritating when talking about books or absolutely fascinating because I am so picky. I am going with fascinating here. Don’t burst my bubble. I am wicked smaht in this one thing.

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I started to get bored. I thought to my self, “self why don’t you branch out and learn something new.” Get wicked smaht in another branch of the literature tree.  I thought graphic novels. Yay! Then I thought. LISTS! ALL THE BOOK LISTS! I can lord my love of the highlighter and crossing stuff off with reading cool books. SCORE! Then I looked around and made sure no one else was looking and gave myself the highest of fives.

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Of Course I have a list semi-prepared, because what is life if you don’t have direction and they aren’t picture books. Get that crap out of your head. I have included the first thirty off of my list because typing is hard. I actually have 100 on the list.  You can find a full list here. According to goodreads I have read a cool 60 of the 100.

https://www.goodreads.com/list/show/210.Best_Graphic_Novels

  1. Watchman by Alan Moore (Mr. Moore tends to be on here a lot.)
  2. The Complete Maus (Maus, #1-2) by Art Spiegelman  
  3. V for Vendetta by Alan Moore
  4. The Complete Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi 
  5. Preludes & Nocturnes (The Sandman, #1) by Neil Gaiman (God you are beautiful Neil)
  6. Batman: The Dark Knight Returns (The Dark Knight Saga, #1)
    by Frank Miller
  7. Batman: The Killing Joke by Alan Moore
  8. Saga, Vol. 1 (Saga, #1) by Brian K. Vaughan (My favorite I think)
  9. Y: The Last Man, Vol. 1: Unmanned (Y: The Last Man, #1) 
    by Brian K. Vaughan 
  10. Blankets 
    by Craig Thompson 
  11. Batman: Year One
    by Frank Miller
  12. Fables, Vol. 1: Legends in Exile 
    by Bill Willingham 
  13. The Walking Dead, Vol. 1: Days Gone Bye 
    by Robert Kirkman 
  14. Scott Pilgrim, Volume 1: Scott Pilgrim’s Precious Little Life 
    by Bryan Lee O’Malley 
  15. Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic 
    by Alison Bechdel 
  16. Bone: The Complete Edition 
    by Jeff Smith 
  17. Sin City, Vol. 1: The Hard Goodbye (Sin City, #1) 
    by Frank Miller 
  18. Batman: The Long Halloween
    by Jeph Loeb
  19. Preacher, Volume 1: Gone to Texas 
    by Garth Ennis 
  20. Ghost World
    by Daniel Clowes
  21. Death Note, Vol. 1: Boredom (Death Note, #1)
    by Tsugumi Ohba
  22. Transmetropolitan, Vol. 1: Back on the Street (Transmetropolitan, #1) 
    by Warren Ellis
  23. From Hell
    by Alan Moore
  24. The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Vol. 1 
    by Alan Moore
  25. The Arrival 
    by Shaun Tan 
  26. Batman: Arkham Asylum – A Serious House on Serious Earth
    by Grant Morrison
  27. Black Hole 
    by Charles Burns 
  28. American Born Chinese 
    by Gene Luen Yang (Goodreads Author) 
  29. Locke & Key, Vol. 1: Welcome to Lovecraft 
    by Joe Hill (Goodreads Author) 
  30. Hellboy, Vol. 1: Seed of Destruction (Hellboy, #1) 
    by Mike Mignola 

I don’t tend to read the first book in a series, because no fun. I try to read the whole thing. Some are better than others like any piece of literature. I love this particular list because it runs the gamut in terms of story type. Autobiographical to high fantasy.

I also want to make sure I say it out loud that I don’t actually believe I will be any kind of expert on graphic novels after finishing this list. Seriously. It’s a place to start and a direction to take.

Expert? Me? Nahhh

“And watch out for Molly. See if she does anything unusual. There’s something I don’t trust about the way she exploded and then came back from the dead like that.”
David Wong, John Dies at the End

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Saga by Brian K. Vaughan & Fiona Staples

 

Alright, alright I might be a very slight expert in “science fiction and fantasy” novels. But saying I am an expert in something makes me sound pretentious as hell. So lets just say I have read a hell of a lot across all sub-genres of sci-fi and fantasy, I used to run my own book club, and I cried when I got to hug Neil Gaiman. Like literal tears. Take what you want from that and I won’t feel like a douche. With all the reading I have done in sci-fi/fantasy, I feel like maybe I have tapped the genre for awhile. I have wanted a new challenge.

Become an “expert” in graphic novels you say?! Challenge accepted my friend. Last year I set a goal for myself to read 50 graphic novels. What that actually means is that I read 50 and than the series following the first book. Turned out to be a whole lot of freaking books. There were really… really bad ones. Twilight.

 

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Courtesy of Wikipedia

Why did I do that to myself?

And some exceptional, incredible, not enough epithets in the english language for how good these books are, ones. Saga, and Transmetropolitan I am looking at you. It is a crying shame how much maligned this genre is. Ohhhhhhh comic books… how deep. You can suck it.

So of course, because if you haven’t noticed my not so buried neurosis about lists, you are starting to now. I found a list and started working on it. I want to finish it this year. I’ll write some posts about my favorites and see if I can turn a few of you to the dark side of comics/graphic novels and become and semi-knowledgeable person in the process.

My list as well as my running tally on all books that I have read can be found here:

My Goodreads Awesomeness

Here is the particular list I have been following as a primer. Best Graphic Novels

  1. Watchman
  2. The Complete Maus
  3. V for Vendetta
  4. The Sandman – Vol. 1
  5. The Complete Persepolis
  6. Batman – The Dark Knight Returns
  7. Batman – The killing Joke.
  8. Blankets
  9. Y – The last man.
  10. Batman Year 1
  11. Fables – Legends in Exile.
  12. The Walking Dead – Vol. 1
  13. Scott Pilgrims Precious little life.
  14. Bone
  15. Fun Home – A family tragicomic
  16. Saga vol. 1
  17. Sin City Vol. 1
  18. Ghost World
  19. Batman the long Halloween
  20. Preacher – Vol. 1
  21. Death Note – Vol. 1
  22. Transmetropolitan – Vol. 1
  23. From Hell
  24. The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Vol. 1
  25. Batman Arkham Asylum
  26. The Arrival
  27. Black Hole
  28. American Born Chinese
  29. Hellboy Vol. 1
  30. Asterios Polyp
  31. Akira Vol. 1
  32. Locke and Key, Vol 1.
  33. 300
  34. Jimmy Corrigan – Smartest kid on Earth
  35. Kingdom Come
  36. Superman: Red Son
  37. Understanding Comics: The Invisible Art
  38. Habibi
  39. Marvel 1602
  40. Daytripper
  41. Death the high cost of living
  42. Marvels
  43. Allstar Superman
  44. Saga of the Swamp Thing
  45. Pride of Baghdad
  46. Astonishing x-men Vol. 1
  47. Runaways Deluxe Vol. 1
  48. Asterix the Gaul
  49. Palestine
  50. The Umbrella Academy Vol. 1
  51. X-men The Dark Phoenix Saga
  52. Johnny the Homicidal Maniac
  53. Stardust: Being a Romance among Fairy
  54. Batman: Hush Vol. 1
  55. The Absolute Sandman Vol 1
  56. The Lone Wolf Club, Vol 1
  57. Chew Vol. 1 Update 2-23-16
  58. Buffy the long way home
  59. Stitches
  60. Epileptic
  61. Fullmetal Alchemist
  62. A contract with God
  63. The Crow
  64. Planetary Vol. 1
  65. We3
  66. Anya’s Ghost
  67. 100 Bullets
  68. Identity Crisis
  69. Pyongyang – A journey into North Korea
  70. Batman Dark Victory
  71. Persepolis vol 1 and 2
  72. The invention of Hugo Cabret
  73. Astro City, Vol. 1
  74. American Vampire, Vol. 1
  75. Shortcomings
  76. The Dark Tower, Vol. 1
  77. The Ghost in the Shell, Vol. 1
  78. The complete Essex county
  79. Promethea Vol. 1
  80. I kill Giants
  81. The Ultimates
  82. The Maxx, Vol. 1
  83. Goodbye, Chunky Rice
  84. Mouse Guard Fall, 1152
  85. Fire and Flight
  86. The Invisibles
  87. Ex Machina Vol. 1
  88. X-men days of future past
  89. Safe Area Gorazde
  90. DMZ, Vol. 1
  91. Squee’s Wonderful Big Giant Book of Unspeakable Horrors
  92. Embroideries
  93. Wolverine: Origin
  94. The Rabbi’s Cat
  95. Top 10, vol. 1
  96. Blacksad
  97. 30 days of night, Vol. 1
  98. Ronin
  99. Castle Waiting, Vol. 1
  100. One Hundred Demons

Whew big list, right? I think it is a good place to start. Honestly, I will be no kind of expert when done with it. But, I will have a greater understanding of the genre and can move forward from there. I also notice some Fabbbbbbulous books /series that unfortunately didn’t make the cut. Namely, The Boys by Garth Ennis.  Good Times to be had. If you have any books that you think might be interesting, I would love to hear about them. I am always on the lookout.

 

 

 

The Conch Catastrophe

I like children. No, no seriously, I swear I do. I spawned one myself we named “The Viking”. I feel like that when I have to qualify how much I like children, “The lady doth protest to much, methinks.” My problem with kids is that when they are from the ages of 12-17, they usually turn into monsters. It is just a bad age for most kids. Myself included. I was a hellion. For you old folks out there, I was a “ferris Bueller’s Day Off,” kind of hellion.

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courtesy of this website austinstudentfilm.com

Dear reader I could tell you stories, but my folks will probably read this.

Anyway, I digress. The reason I bring up the age range is because on a recent cruise vacation to Jamaica, Cozumel, and Grand Cayman, I had the good fortune of striking a few things off of my life list. Made me as giddy as a fat kid and cake. I should know because I am both, ahem, pudgy and I love cake. I got to swim with sharks (rays, but they are of the shark family. They are sharks. Yes they are. Shut up. I swam with sharks dammit), and go snorkeling in a coral reef. Both were amazing, but the later was incredible.

So here I am swimming along, happily, and blissfully. Snorkel in my mouth and go-pro upon my head. I am in the Grand Cayman islands and right now I am living the dream. I swim upon a conch shell that looks like it has been placed before me by the gods themselves. “Lee (my brother), Lee c’mere. A shell!! A shell!!!.” It came out as “blerg blerg” because I had the snorkel still in my mouth. But still..

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I am the one in the completely fabulous retro blue and white suit and A SHARK just lovingly rubbed itself against my leg like a puppy. Hence the expression. Please ignore the waterspot, I have weak photoshop kung-fu.

I look down in excited anticipation, about to dive into the murky depths when my shell that had been placed by the fucking gods is gone. It was put there for me, and it disappeared. The gods where taunting me. I spent the next twenty minutes swimming back and forth trying to find the shell. “It was right here!!!” Alas, our time is up. The gods of the sea have brought forth the bounty, and have ripped it from my bosom.  Sad, dejected, wondering what I had done wrong in this life, I got back up in the boat. And what do you know but a stupid 12 year brat is talking about the cool shell that he found. My shell… Is it wrong to throw children off boat? That kid waited till I turned around and swam under me. This is why some people should not breed. Just saying.

About a month later I was shopping at goodwill, unlike photoshop I have strong goodwill kung-fu, and found a perfect conch shell for 7 bucks. I bought that sucker and cradled it to my breast. I HAVE A CONCH SHELL BITCHES. I like to pretend that this conch shell was the one from Cayman islands and I booted that stupid 12 year old off the boat and took back my shell. A girl can dream can’t she.

Life list item achieved – Got myself a damn conch shell.

 

 

It’s a beautiful rainy morning..and it is time to try shit.

Since this is my first blog post, obligatory introductions are in order. My name is Elizabeth Tabler, you may call me Beth. I was brought forth into this world 35 years ago in the “not so big” town of Las Vegas, Nevada. I am married to a wonderful man named Mark, and I have a little girl. Lets call her, “The Viking.” Because damn if thats not the appropriate description for her.

I named this blog, “before we go,” because one of my greatest joys in life is trying shit. Whether it is Civet “poop flavored” coffee, some weird food, or some odd experience, It’s my jam. This all started when I was about 11 years old and wrote my first to do list. I actually have this list framed and hanging on the wall in my living room. Lists are my neurosis… I have 9k pins on Pinterest and find the most unusual stuff to try. If you would like to see some of my past projects, check out my Project Completed  folder.

Also, I will be tracking my life list (which is a full on book) and my yearly list.

  • Make amazing mac and cheese
  • Get all the Dr. Seuss books for the viking. Who am I kidding. Dr. Seuss is badass and it really is for me.
  • Read 100 books
  • Finish the 100 greatest graphic novel list found Here
  • Get all the Robert Sabuda Books. I have a thing for pop up books
  • Get all the Dresden File books. Because c’mon. Amazeballs.
  • Keep a strict keto diet for a month My god keto is amazing.. well BACON
  • Lose 80 pounds
  • Own a conch shell.
  • Own a little mermaid snow globe. Don’t ask, I just really want one.
  • Practice German for another year. ja ich spreche Deutsch ein bisschen. Schau mich gehen.
  • Practice guitar every day for a month.
  • Find a dooney and burke princess bag at goodwill. It will happen!

Along with these I’ll write up little things on whatever I am up to. It should be highly entertaining for me and my family who will read the blog. Tschuss.