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I Don’t Know If You Know This, But I Am Not, in Fact, a Goat.

By April 4, 2018No Comments

tmp_GPxat0_6ad3a2b6ab961103_Starbucks_Crystal_Ball_Frappuccino_purple_hi_resI really try to embrace my inner goat when it comes to trying new things, new flavors of food. Goats tend to eat everything, happily, and there are a lot of exciting things out there to try in this world. When I was in high school and participating in sports. My best friend Hannah and I would go before our swim meets, as a ritual, and drink wheatgrass juice. We would do it as if it were a shot of the most heinous hangover incurring tequila ever. I have never had tequila that tasted as bad as a shot of wheatgrass. I mean who went out into a field and thought. YES! I really should put that in a juicer and extract the awesome out of it. Then I should drink it. Hannah and I thought it gave us super swimming abilities. It did not. It did, however, prove to be a great memory from my swim days. Gagging on the green satan’s butthole then jumping in the pool.

Green tasting foods are hard for me. That extends out to rosewater. Green foods make me feel like my mouth is a lawnmower. Rosewater makes me feel like I am eating grandmothers 15-year-old rose potpourri. They are awful. But, like all food things, I am trying to come around and see if I can come to enjoy them or at least come and appreciate them.

All these shenanigans led me to try Starbucks special crystal ball drink. An herbal peach thingy. I was gitty with anticipation.

downloadGah. Peach and I think matcha. I can’t even tell you what flavor it was. It was a sort of herbal peach green thing that was supposed to tell me my future. The only future I foresaw was me being out five bucks. Seriously, Starbucks you are drunk. I guess marketing-wise, they got me to spend five dollars on this thing. Starbucks got this crystal ball reading wrong.


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