My daughter is “allergic” to sleep. Note the quotes, she is not actually allergic but it just seems that way. She wakes up at the same times, every single night. 11:30 and 2:30. I have no idea why. Both her father and I have sleep problems, he has narcolepsy and I have adult onset night-terrors and insomnia. It has been a rough ride for the both of us where sleep is concerned. Now it seems like The Viking has inherited this problem. This shit cannot stand.
I took The Viking to the doctor two days ago to get a checkup. She is doing great, and I mentioned the getting up twice a night to her wonderful doctor. She said that it was time to let her cry it out again or Ferberize. Sounds like some sort of disinfectant. We tried this before when she was younger and it worked great. Then her crying was hardly anything. A slight complaint, easy to tune out. After a few days, she got into a great sleeping pattern and I got to rest. Unlike most couples with children, I am the only one of capable of getting up at night to attend to the viking. So the rest was most welcome. About a month ago, The Viking came down with roseola. This threw her sleeping off kilter and since then she has been getting up twice a night. Waking up twice a night turns both of us into assholes. It is fun for no one. So time to Ferberize. I mentioned to the doctor that her crying sounded different, it is a scream cry instead of just a small complaint. Her doctor smiled at us knowingly and basically said, “Your daughter is very smart and is playing you. She knows you come running for that cry. She is getting what she wants.” Oh god we are getting trolled by a 1 year old. To make this whole situation even better, The Viking has taught herself to throw up to get attention. She screams, gags herself, and pukes. We are so screwed.
At 2 am last night, I heard the tell tale scream of my daughter. Not the complaining or “bitching” cry that she used to do. This was a full on scream. The kind in which I would leap over alligators, feed myself to zombies, and set those who stand between myself and my daughter on fire to get to her. I watched her on the monitor and had to lay in bed and listen to it.
This sucks. It feels like a giant is beating some drum inside me. With every cry it pulls me towards her. 45 mins of intermittent crying later it puttered off to a whimper then a snore. If I had gone to her and scooped her up in my arms and told her that everything was fine, it would have been for me not her. I don’t want that. I want her to sleep well and solidly. To be so unlike her parents who struggle every night. In the end the drums inside myself quieted, she started sucking her thumb and we lived to try another night. I think this definitely counts as an experience. Not my normal fare, but being a Mommy is hard and not going to her is a hurdle I crossed. It counts.