Month: February 2018

That Time When The Captain Danced Tunak Tunak Tun

My wedding was an extravaganza. It is so seldom one gets to use a word like an extravaganza, but there you go. We had ducks, swords, pirate flags, books and Indian dancing. So the definition is apt. How did we get all these ideas/things crammed into a wedding… INGENUITY. The Captain (my husband) and I took things that we loved and created a mishmash of themes. I love books (obviously) and rubber ducks; he loves pirate stuff, swords, and Indian dancing. Specifically Tunak Tunak Tun by Daler Mehndi. It was quite the party.

Just so you know what I am talking about. Daler Mehndi in all his gloriousness. The man who helped The Captain land me. 

(Commence ecstatic dancing and jumping down while butchering Hindi lyrics at the top of my voice)

Sing along.

Tunak tunak tun 
Tunak tunak tun 
Tunak tunak tun 
Da da da

Tunak tunak tun 
Tunak tunak tun 
Tunak tunak tun 
Da da da

Tunak tunak tun 
Tunak tunak tun 
Tunak tunak tun 
Da da da

Tunak tunak tun 
Tunak tunak tun 
Tunak tunak tun 
Da da da

Dholna vajje tumbe vaali taar 
Sun dil di pukaar 
Aaja kar layieh pyaar 
Sweetheart, the strings of the instrument play

No conceivable idea what this song means. I could look it up.. but I think that ruins the effect for me. I feel like it is about rainbows and dancing and how the sun is pretty, and we are going with that. The Captain introduced this song to me when we started dating and I learned about his questionable musical tastes. I even kept dating him after that. Questionable being polka music, klezmer music, and Swedish dance pop. Don’t even get me started on the Tuvan throat singing. Which he can do by the way. He was inspired to learn how to do it by the masters.

At our wedding, The Captain wanted to do the Tunak Tunak Tun dance with his groomsman and I made that shit happen. I talked to the DJ before the wedding and made sure that he had bought the appropriate version of the song so The Captain and his merry men could get out there and boogie.

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Let me paint a picture for you: The room is hot and sweaty.  Multicolored lights hang from the ceiling are slowly panning down to fall on four dapperly dressed men in tuxedos.The man in the center of the group is wearing a black tux and white tie. He is quite tall and has a live edge sword strapped to his thigh. He is the hero of this evening. His men standing to the left and right of him are also dressed in tuxes. At the far end is a very large man, almost 7 feet tall. He has a 3-foot battle ax strapped to his back; He is best of The Captain’s men. He is currently wearing my garter on his head.  They are visually nervous, but not the captain. The Captain is always cool.  A hush falls over the crowd as the lights dim. The four men are standing very still, heads pointed to the ground waiting… waiting for something. A war? A Fight? A need for tree chopping.   When the crowd on the edges of the floor could not take the waiting any more fore they boil into a frenzy of anticipation and adulation, this happened. TUUUUUUNNNNNNAAAAAKK TUUUUUUUUUUUNNNN. All in unison the men look up with steely gazes, the lights lift and begin to swing back and forth across the crowd.  You would think that Elvis had entered the building by the frenzied glee pouring off of crowd (myself included). We all shout TUUUUUUUN and begin to jump up and down.

 

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Ladies are on the outside cheering ourselves hoarse.

The Captain in the center of his men like the absolute commander that he is. He begins to shake his hips, and finger dance. Women swoon, dogs howl, parents cover their children’s eyes.  He plays a pretend harp with his body while swaying to the sweet Hindi felicities blaring out of the speakers. The crowd wants more! The Captain looks at me, and I melt. “Oh captain my captain.” He gyrates his hips some more, plays the pretend harp, finger dances.  I felt faint. I swear, and I know I am not alone in this if the ladies of our party could get our knickers off we would have to throw them at them. I am sure someone threw hotel keys.

 

Then it ends and the world is a cold, dark, cruel place again. That Daler Mehndi wrote a hell of a party song. It has been almost ten years and family and friends still talk about The Captain getting out there and dancing. My bold brave captain.

ARC – Burn Bright (Alpha & Omega #5) by Patricia Briggs

I received this as an advanced copy from Netgalley.com for an honest review.

 

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Image courtesy of goodreads

When I first started reading this novel I felt pretty strongly that the story could have stood a trim and be better served as a novella. The plot felt too small and specific to carry an entire novel. This may be because I haven’t read books 2, 3, and 4 of the series and I am not as familiar with the characters as some. However, Patricia Briggs is, in general, a fantastic writer. I am a rabid fan of the Mercy books and pretty much anything she writes in that world. I didn’t think it would be a problem coming into the novel a little out of sequence, and it wasn’t. This is how I felt for the first 100 pages or so. It slogged a bit and the characters and setup just didn’t gel. Why is this plot important? Why do I care? What is the mystery that is trying to be solved? None of these questions came to much of a head till about 250 pages into the story. It is worth the wait. The climax of the story is absolutely worth the wait. But, I just don’t think this is one of her best books. It is heads above most writers out there, but all in all, it felt to slow for her normal pacing.

 

But First, Fifty Teas.

You can never get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me. C.S Lewis

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Every year I set out to learn something new. I’ll be damned if I don’t have some personal growth every year of some sort. Besides, life is short or long depending on how you look at it; I am going to try to eeek out every experience I can before I die.

This process is really a hit or miss process.

One year I set out to learn everything I could about whiskey. I still don’t know my ass from my elbow when it comes to most whiskeys. However, I did learn quite a bit and sampled 27 different varieties till my impending motherhood put the kibosh on drinking. I would consider the whiskey drinking a bit of a miss only because of the kid but I did discover that I am indeed a 76-year-old British man deep down inside complete with tweed hat. You may call me Edmund Nigel Rickwillow III.

This is all a roundabout way to talk about my Tea challenge of 2013. Fifty teas in 365 days. No duplicates. Holy shit! How am I going to do that? With great joy and furious vigor that’s how. Annoying amounts of vigor

Typical household conversation while on the quest:

“Hey, honey I heard there is a tea shop that mixes their own teas a short fifty-mile drive from here.”

“It will be fun!”

“Yes, it will. Don’t 

make that face.”

“Sweetie, please don’t hide in the bathroom. C’mon we are going on an adventure!”

71KVRzZ8OFL._SL1500_Annoying amounts of vim and vigor! Hell, even I annoyed myself. But, I love to talk exhaustively about my current mission/goal that totally isn’t obsessive. Yes, it is still cool. Please be my friend. ahem.

Here is what I discovered. I think in the same way wine is very much up to the user’s palette so too is tea. Yes, there are flavors out there; blends, mixes, regional variations that impart greater richness to the flavor profile. Again much like wine. However, if you are someone who can not tell whether the tea was picked in rainy season or sunny, that the person who picked it wore gloves and there was dew present on the tea. Who gives a shit! The most wonderful part of tea I think, I only speak for me, is that it is a hug from the inside out. It feels good in your hands, it feels good in your mouth, it relaxes the soul and gives you a hug. That is what it is all about and frankly, I think we all need more hugs. Internal and externally. I’ve attached my exhaustive list of tea I tried below. Some were very good, some tasted like satan’s asshole.

Teavana English Breakfast served cold. Only had it hot. Yummmy
Peach Tea by Stash. Serious yum. Mixed it with regular
I had a delicious English bmr-tea-1reakfast at cafe brief across from the library. Researching the brand
sweetheart valentines day tea by Bigelow. Bleh. Cannot stand red-hot candies and this is reminiscent of them complete with red food coloring…
Teavana Lime tea
white chocolate tea from Bigelow. Kills my sweet tooth craving for chocolate. But it is not really sweet.
St. Dafour organic black cherry tea
adagio peach oolong
bengal spice celestial seasons tea is delicious. I adore cinnamon tea and this is perfect non-bitter tea
Teavana – Kona Pineapple pop. YUMMY!
Teavana – wild orange blossom. Way to bitter for my tastes
Teavana – Blueberry bliss
Teavana – Citrus Lavender sage
Teavana – Opus rouge
Teavana – Strawberry rose champagne
Teavana – Maharaja Chai Oolong
stash – decaf chocolate hazelnut
Red Leaf Tea Company – Maple matcha
Peach Apricot – The Tao of Tea at the Portland Chinese Garden
Mint lime Mojito – Zhena’s Gypsy Teas. I own this tea but never had it hot. Total meh
Lemon Zinger by celestial seasons. Yummy lemon. Going to try iced.
Teavana Wonderberry chocolate truffle. This I liked a lot. But mark deemed it from Satan’s Asshole.
Tao of Tea Vanilla almond
Teavana – salt caramel tea
Teavana – Banana foster
Teavana – Peach tea
Strawberry Cream Tea Teavana – Too much hibiscus
Spiced vanilla chai blend – teachaiate
Vanilla tea from Camilla tea
Cinnamon tea from Camilla tea
lychee tea from Camilla tea
berry tea from Camilla tea
berry almond amaretto from Teavana
pineapple tea from Teavana
lime cola tea from Zoomdweebies.com
samurai chai mate from Teavana
maharaja chai mate from Teavana
dragonfruit devotion from Teavana- Yum from April
berry kiwi colada from Teavana
Peach Tea from Teavana
constant comment
house tea from Dragon tree
apricot creme from Thea.
Scottish breakfast tea
Twinnings Irish Breakfast
Tazo cinnamon spice tea
Tazo Organic Iced Green Tea
Teavana – Strawberry Sangria
Teavana – Fruit Bomba

 

Review of Hyperbole and a Half: Unfortunate Situations, Flawed Coping Mechanisms, Mayhem, and Other Things That Happened by Allie Brosh

Allie Brosh, I love you so much.

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Image courtesy of goodreads

If I could have a spirit animal I think I would want it to be Simple Dog. He would just lay there and look confused by things but he would be so very happy.

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My spirit animal is on the right.

This book which made me laugh so many times I lost count. I either full on guffawed or chuckled; each “chapter” is a perfect bon mot on something that will make you feel all the feelings. Most of the scenarios I have felt or gone through myself. I too have a psychotic dog that wants to end the existence of all other dogs by doing a scream yodle thing.  So, this book is a weirdly relatable collection of great stories and I am not sure how comfortable I am with that. It all made me realize that I am in fact this weird.

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The dinosaur incident. Her poor mother.

As for the actual writing, her wit is honest and open even when dealing with tough subjects such as depression. It doesn’t come off as simplistic, but relatable and real. It really was such a pleasure to read. I would recommend this book to anyone. You can check out her website here at Hyperbole and a Half.

 

 

 

I kill Giants – Book Review and Bonus Movie Trailer

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Image courtesy of goodreads.com

 

 

This comic is intense; in a good way. It starts out with the title character Barbara and her disconnected view of the world. She is what you would think of an average kid should be. She wears bunny ears, doesn’t connect with other kids, and slays giants. Giants aren’t real right?

The beginning of the comic is entirely from her perspective and the reader is left somewhat confused and befuddled as to what her motivation is and/or what the hell is wrong with her. As the novel unfolds, you start to get a better understanding as to what is going on and you come to love her. I can’t give anything else away because it would ruin it for the reader but try it. Read it. Love it. It will be well worth it and it is short. Nothing to lose.

I haven’t been this excited about seeing a movie since the ill-fated Ender’s Game movie. I try not to get my hopes up because book to movie adaptions tend to suck and I am too picky to be happy. However this looks pretty amazing.

Comic Book Herald’s Best Comics of All Time

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“1938 edition of Action Comics No. 1, it features Superman lifting a car on its cover and originally cost 10 cents”

I got this list from comicbookherald.com. I was out searching for the reading order of Batman and found this beauty of a list. I think I am finally ready to tackle the Batman books in all their nihilistic glory. I love finding things like this because it always introduces me to new things to read and reminds me of some old favorites. I know that it is lengthy at 325, but most of these are well worth it to check out. It is also fabulous because the original author went through all the trouble of adding the links. Total win-win.

The Best Comics Of All Time

1) Watchmen

2) The Sandman

3) Bone

4) Doom Patrol by Grant Morrison & Richard Case

5) Miracleman

6) The Bulletproof Coffin + Bulletproof Coffin: Disinterred

7) Mind MGMT

8) Maus

9) Batman: The Dark Knight Returns

10) Y: The Last Man

11) From Hell

12) Scott Pilgrim

13) Blankets

14) Boxers & Saints

15) Punk Rock Jesus

16) Starman

17) All Star Superman

18) Invincible

19) Preacher

20) Barefoot Gen: A Cartoon Story of Hiroshima

21) Chew

22) Gotham Central

23) Transmetropolitan

24) Batman: Year One

25) Usagi Yojimbo: Grasscutter

26) Fear Agent

27) Epileptic

28) Criminal

29) Batman: The Long Halloween + Dark Victory

30) Marvels

31) Morning Glories

32) The Walking Dead: Compendium One

33) Sweet Tooth

34) Supreme: The Story of the Year

35) Infinite Kung Fu

36) Saga of the Swamp Thing, Book 1

37) Saga

38) Batman (The New 52)

39) East of West Volume 1 to Vol. 6

40) Fables Vol. 1 – Vol. 6

41) Dreadstar

42) Love & Rockets

43) Daytripper

44) Vision

45) Jessica Jones: Alias

46) Hip Hop Family Tree

47) Astro City

48) The Contract with God Trilogy

49) Grendel Omnibus Vol. 1: Hunter Rose

50) The Legion of Super-Heroes: The Great Darkness Saga

Continue reading “Comic Book Herald’s Best Comics of All Time”

Camping is Crap – Sorta

ee0a857b7172a61aab4ebe47d7bfcf59Well no, it really isn’t crap. Maybe you could liken camping to cold french fries that you warm up in the microwave. It is supposed to be satisfying, but they are never really as good as you expect it to be and it will probably leave you with a stomach ache and/or the runs. Also, isn’t camping supposed to bring you all sorts of enlightenment? Get out into nature and experience a oneness. Let me set the scene. Last minute, “why the hell not” decision to camp on a Friday night. insert an inadequately prepared family of 4 with neurotic dogs. Grandmother, husband, me and a 14-month-old baby. Here is what I learned on my last camping trip.

  1. Setting up a tent on a hillside where you sleep at a 45-degree angle could be classified as a weird sort of psychological torture. Constantly sliding down a hill while sleeping makes you dream you are going to slip-n-slide to hell or the world is covered in lube.
  2. Never camp with a 30-year-old tent. I am still coughing out the shredded plastic fibers. The only upside is the calming pea green color. Why did folks in the early eighties think pea green was the color du jour?
  3. Only camp with your toddler if absolutely necessary. If there is a cliff, river, or patch of poison something your toddler will run at it full speed. Which means as a parent you will have to hold your screaming toddler.  The whole time. (see the previous comment about being inadequately prepared) My kid weighed thirty pounds. I hated everyone after hour 3.
  4. Never camp with my dog. My dog hates other dogs. He tries to simultaneously shred them to pieces and run away scared. The dog had to remain on a leash for the entirety of camping outing. Thus, the dog made a circular track around the tree while he tried to maim every foreign thing he saw. This included wildlife, trees, stumps, the stars, me after awhile. It was all a crazy fever dream for him. This got annoying at 2 am. For the extent of the trip; I hated my dog.
  5. Mosquitos were invented by the devil to taunt me.  If only they sucked fat instead of blood. (see number 6) Ever read the book, “Thinner?” That would be me.  They will hassle no one else. I swatted mosquitos away and prayed for a firestorm. The other members of my camping party told me it was all in my head. I wanted to push them in the aforementioned poison-something bush.
  6. I ended up eating only chips because it was both too dark to see and I was too tired to give a damn. Actually, this wasn’t all that bad.
  7. Fire is beautiful and the thought of roasting smores by the campsite is great until your toddler wants to play with the shiny bright thing.
  8. Raccoons are jerk faces.

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I want to like camping. I used to love it when I was a kid, but now it seems like it lacks all the things I want in my daily life; toilets, showers, hot food, no bugs. I end up feeling like, “what fresh hell is nature bringing me now?” I’ll camp if it is not torture so my kid can eat a s’more. But future self will need a fabulous RV or tasteful beekeeper suit. I can look out at nature and flip off all the bugs.