I killed a Smurf. Sorry, not sorry. 

As first attempts go, my first attempt at over dyeing a rug turned my rug a slightly blue tinge, but only in the right light. It also stained my tub like a smurf crime scene. I killed Brainy. He was annoying as hell anyway. Don’t tell anyone.

Brainy
No one likes you.

I would deduce this as a pinterfail but frankly, I don’t fail pins. I do them twenty times till I have flattened my face by hitting a wall or I make the damn pin. I mean why buy a fifteen dollar lamp when you can make your own for two hundred.

I make other rugs jealous with my sexy ass. http://www.rugsusa.com

What I have learned from this disaster? Hotter water, I need caustic chemicals, and probably not RIT dye. But I swear on Odin’s Nuts my fifteen dollar goodwill rug will be a glorious shade of teal or I will fray it trying. I need to bring out the big guns here. I need to read some directions and God forbid follow some instructions and it will be blue. I need a blue runner. It has to happen. It is a thing now. I sound like a crazy person… Stop looking at me like that. I’m not crazy. (Tries to bite own ear)

Also Smurf blood is a really good indicator that one should clean their tub. Is this the rug of sadness? I think so..

To Throw Up or Not To Throw Up.. That is the Question

“Please stop throwing up. Please with a cherry on top? Oh a cherry makes you want to puke. With “whatever-you-want” on top that will not make you puke. A pony. You can have a pony, jesus christ. I’ll make you a pony sundae, just please don’t throw up on.. me.. damn.”

Me. Night before last with The Viking and into her 8th hour of puking.

 

Jesus tap-dancing christ. Kids can be icky. It isn’t their fault. My poor unknowing daughter’s stomach got bitch slapped by a “pissed off pimp” of a virus. She greeted me with a helloooooo blerg at 11 pm. What ensued can only be described as puke-topia. Every towel, washcloth, t-shirt, and blanket was covered. This level of ick really was new for me. So yay experience! Can you imagine my maniacal happy smile?

Kids do not come with manuals or handbooks. I think I learned that night two of her life when I did not know what to do with her. I mean, I am supposed to take her home? At that time I was starting to dive head first, no life preserver into post-partum depression that nearly killed me. So I was a little off my rocker. I will write in great detail when I am ready to relive the bits I remember.

Mark and I just started surfing the waves of puke, laughing at how ridiculous the clean up was going to be, and trying to keep our babies’ spirits up. In an odd way it was a good experience for both of us. As we dorkily like to say, “Team Tabler” and then we fist bump like we are cool.

Also, she is adorable even if she does not throw up rainbows and butterflies. We made it through her first bought of illness. Go us!

I am not trying to kill my hubby, I swear!

My husband is almost completely blind in the dark. I stand constantly in amazement when we contrast how different our vision is in the dark. I am not saying I have a superpower, but let’s just say if I was in a dark room with you. “I can see you!” Mwahaha. Conversely I have to constantly wear sunglasses because I have something called photophobia which makes it sound like my eyes are afraid of the light. Stupid scared-of-the-light eyes. But really only means that my eyes are super light sensitive.

Recently, I put a black fan in a dark hallway in the middle of the night. It was hot, our fan is black, sue me. My husband fell ass over tea-kettle. He told me I was trying to kill him. He doesn’t think much of me if he thought I would try and kill him with a fan. Sheesh..

I looked on Pinterest for good ideas for an interesting room night light. I didn’t find much, I did however come across a picture of a some text that was back lit. An idea formed and I made it happen.

The execution is simple. You will need:

1. Canvas that fits in to your space. Mine was 11 x 17

2. A can of glossy black spray paint. It could be matte, but I like the reflection of the lights on the surface.

3. A lettering template of some sort. Mine were scrapbook letters that really didn’t stick right at all. Next time I am using vinyl letters or watercolor masque.

Position your phase in letters on the canvas however you please. 

Take outside, and coat the canvas with black spray paint. I did sweeping motions trying to be careful not to spray under the not so sticky letters. 

Let dry.

Pull off letters.

Add a bright cool light source. I purchased a string of ultra bright LEDs from Amazon for seven dollars. They are duck tapped to the back.

And that’s it! Easey peasey lemon squeezey. 

The next one I will make for the den is one that will say, “no sleep till Brooklyn!” Beastie Boys for life yo! 

Off!
On!

YAAAASSS I Made an Inexpensive Ottoman

I have expensive tastes. I blame it on going to design school and not being able to withstand something that is poorly designed. I get physically ill. It is stupid and makes me feel like an ass, but it is true. When something is out of balance, it kills me. Funny story, during my husband and my honeymoon on the east coast we drove through Richmond, Virginia. I had to close my eyes the whole way through the town because of how poorly designed some of it was. No offense to those of Richmond, Virginia. This is my weird quirk.

The counter to having expensive taste is you need money, lots of money. We do not have lots of money. Like at all. This poses a great and exciting challenge for me to take something that is goodwill/thrift store bough and transform it into something esthetically pleasing.  I surf Pinterest and say constantly, “I can do that shit.”  I even have a folder for it called “Current Projects.” In retrospect I should probably label it as “ICDTS” or something instead. The other life problem we have is a very small house, and a very young daughter who biffs it quite often. I needed to make a coffee table of some sort. Cheaply, that was safe for my little viking and that looked somewhat aesthetically pleasing. Because I have to look at it all day, and if it bothers me it will get relegated to the furniture graveyard that is my garage.

Thus enter the hunt for a small ottoman! I was lucky in that I found a ottoman at the goodwill, perfect size and in reasonably good condition for twenty bucks. The fabric was dirty ugly. Dated and icky. Seriously foul, but it had some good prospects. Wood feet in decent shape and it was structurally sound. Purchasing new fabric is also a problem because fabric is freaking expensive if you buy it in multiple yards. Especially fabric for chairs, and sofas. I used a single panel curtain instead that was made of some rugged material. YAAAASSS. Here is the results:

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Fugly right! At least it didn’t smell. All I am saying. 
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Here is me trying to figure out the best placement of the 7 dollar curtain panel I bought at goodwill. 
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Here is the finished project.
I will probably add another coat to the legs.
Don’t you just love the fence, it is the colors of sadness.
The underside…full of staples, blood, and love.

The process was pretty simple and straight forward.

  1. Purchased ottoman and curtain
  2. Borrowed heavy duty stapler and staples.
  3. Position curtain over ottoman making sure to get good coverage on all sides.
  4. Flipped ottoman over and began stapling curtain to the underside of the ottoman. I attached it to the wood base.
  5. I folded the edges inwards like I was wrapping a birthday present.
  6. Snipped the excess material.
  7. Tightened the legs with a phillips screwdriver and painted them white with some leftover white paint I had from another project.

I feel like a rockstar. Total cost is 27.00 dollars. I am just going to go sit on the couch and bask in my crafty awesomeness.